I would be lying if I came on here everyday telling you that changing your lifestyle will make you a super happy chipper person ALL THE TIME! Yes the ratio of happy chipper vs. Tired and unsettle defiantly leans in favour of Happy chipper, but there are those days / weeks where you question your decisions to take on such a rigorous lifestyle, and ask your self "why should I do all this just to BE HEALTHY!" This blog post is more like a therapy session for myself, but if it helps someone else or gets people talking then this is why I was meant to post it.
As you know if you have been following the blog for a while just over a week ago finished my 30 day cleanse through Isagenix. It was an awesome experience, and I ended up learning a lot about myself and what I am mentally capable of. I have gotten to the place that I set out over a year ago to get to physically, but mentally and emotionally I am still working on it. There is an extremely strong mental component that comes with weight loss. There are worries about gaining it back, there are the body image concerns ( Yes i realize that I just lost over 70 lbs and should be "happy" with my body and I am, but if /when you drop pounds other things drop too), and much more. There are many things that are swimming around in my mind these days, and lots of things that I need to focus my attentions onto. For example, I have gotten to where I want to be, now how do I maintain? What is an affordable method? I can't continue with the trainer twice a week anymore, but what do I do???? There are also a lot of person things that my husband and I are trying to work out too (not the bad kind of issues, but still things to figure out), then there are the 6 days a week that the kids are in activities, doesn`t leave much time to think. Mentally I have started feeling exhausted, and unclear, yet physically my body feels great. The last couple weeks for me have been a mental struggle, and I find myself internalizing and not being able to get out how I am really feeling or talk to the people I should be. It is one of those times right now that I KNOW if I purchased a tub of ice cream I would sit down and emotionally eat my way through the entire thing. I am finding that any distractions are way to welcomed at this point, so I don`t have to "think".
One of these distractions / interferences has been facebook and google (I think I have googled EVERYTHING). I waste my energies worrying about others, are they ok, maybe they need something, what could I say to help them, how was I supposed to take that comment, are they being backhanded. I am a worrier, and I need to know that all is well with life, others included, but at the same time I fret about whether or not I am imposing on their lives if I try to voice my person issues or concerns. When I read the FB stuff I can never truly tell what was "meant" because you can't see the person's body language, or hear their voice. All to often I find myself rethinking things that really don't need to be rethought. "It is what it is!" I am usually pretty good at this motto, but this year (2011) has been hard for me for multiple different reasons and I am finding it harder and harder to just accept life as it is. I think that a lot of it has to do with the fact that I don't have the gym for my mental outlet. Those 2 hours to think and process on the treadmill, and just forget are missing. I need to focus on getting that back, it is amazing how much exercises really does one good, it is mental and physical therapy. Clean eating and exercises require mental preparedness, and I am finding that hard to have this week.
I think that mental clarity is very important, and until I can get all the things that are pressing on my mind figured out I will need to remove myself from the distractions. I may not be on Facebook every morning to post my blog link, I just need a break. So make sure you don't miss out on the blog make sure to save the link. I will still be here, I love this outlet, it is my "therapy".
Here is a link to another blog post that talks about Facebook too.
http://not-so-silent-mommy.blogspot.com/2011/01/facebook-friend-or-foe.html
Here's to the next step in the journey, thank you all for following me!
