This is the conversation...
"Have you seen Anna Lou?"
"No, Why? Is she ok?"
"Oh, She is more than ok! I saw her last night, she looks AMAZING! Did you know she started walking and has dropped almost 50 lbs!"
"WOW, That is so good for her, I could never find time to do that!"
I know I am guilty of it, I do it all the time. I look at other women an admire how beautiful they are and then make excuses and judgements. "She can't have kids looking like that", or " What I wouldn't give to have a physic like that, but I just don't have the time". There are all kinds of reasons I give myself. I worked very hard and got to a point where I felt I could be one of those women that people talk about, then I blew it! I made all kinds of excuses, I let it slip, and within 2 months, was back to where I started exactly a year before! Why though, what made me think I didn't deserve to look like that? What made me feel like all the hard work I just did was for nothing and i should just eat BBQ and drink all summer. I wrote a post saying that I felt like I deserved to have fun after all my hard work, but was that really it? Part of me wonders if I just didn't feel I deserved to be one of "those ladies". I am trying really hard to get back on that horse, but often I find myself sabotaging. I find some chocolate and eat it, I make a tuna sandwich but load it with MAYO, I make an awesome vegan meal and go for 2nds and 3rds, I know what I am doing is not helping my cause, but I still do it!
I often hear other women saying how they couldn't do something, and I tell them YES you can, be confident, you are a beautiful, strong women! Yet, I make excuses and reasons for my own lack of confidence, and lack of beauty. How do I change that, how do I look at myself through the same eyes that I see all these amazing, beautiful, strong women around me? I know I am not the only one, why do we feel this way?
This has been a post from the bottom of my soul, and a contribution to Shell's Pour Your Heart Out, over at Things I Can't Say. Please click back to her and all the other great bloggers Here
