Monday, November 7, 2011

Kinda like a slap in the face

Wow that was a great weekend! It was a crazy busy and totally exhausting weekend, but still great!

Friday was Ladies Night, and we went out to this great little Italian place. There were 8 of us and it was such a great time!

The boys and I got to spend the entire weekend together, cause Daddy was doing a basement reno. We went to the dog park, did all the groceries, visited one of our favorite places to go for a walk, rode our bikes, my oldest went to a party, it was all good (between the bickering).

Despite all this fun and awesomeness, there was still something that happened that made me take a step back and really change the way I have been looking at things. It was a series of events that made me think, "I no longer believe in 'if it is ment to happen', I need to change that." I feel now that I can no longer sit on the side lines and wait for things to change, I am the one who is in charge of me, no one else, and if I really want to feel better, look better, regain THE ME I seem to have misplaced, I need to go find her!

Here is the back story. Friday night girls night, I was trying to find something to wear. NONE of my clothes fit properly, and I was very frustrated. I was so uncomfortable. I knew I had fained some weight, but this was aweful. As we sat laughing, and chatting, my mind would drift back to comments made to me when I was at my smallest at the start if this summer. The comments somehow made me feel like I didn't deserve to be thin, even though I felt so great about it. Then I would look around at all the beautiful smilling faces at my table, and I thought, those comments don't matter, because the people who made the comments aren't the ones here with me living this life! Saturday when I went to put on my around the house jeans, they were so friggin tight I couldn't move. I had to take them off. By the end of the day Saturday I was completely exhausted too. So when my hubby finally got home, I pretty much crashed into bed. Sunday I tried my best to stay energetic, but again by the time he got home, I was crashed. I had already had a monent on my own Sunday where I sat down and really thought about all the changes in my life the last little while, both good and bad. I had determined that things needed to change, I just am not me latelty. I am tired, lazy, grumpy, and negative. That is not me! But the real moment of brutal honesty came when my hubby came to bed, and I pulled away from him. He was hurt that after almost 2 weeks of barely getting to see each other that I would do that. But I just dont feel good in my skin right now. He asked me repeatedly what is so wrong with me and told me to stop making excuses, if I want to feel better, then just do what I need to do to feel better. Stop waiting around to feel better, cause that will never bring the changes I want to see! So I lay in bed almost all night thinking about this, and today....

This is THE FIRST DAY, OF THE REST OF MY LIFE! And I am going to have to be the one to change my perspective to make sure it is a good one!

Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.4

Blog Archive